I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
