I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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