His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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