Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
