How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
