Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
