She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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