WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
