mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
