Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
