had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
