Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
