He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dick very happy bro
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
