I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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