I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
