i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
