After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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