FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
