I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
