I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
