I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
