Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
