"it" just moved
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
