i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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