I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
