If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
