Barsexuality is the new black.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
