Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
