I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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