So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
