do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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