Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
