quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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