I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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