he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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