Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The best revenge is premature balding
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
