I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
