At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
