he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
