Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
