I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I looked at my own cervix.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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