i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Be still, my beating vagina.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
