32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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