Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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