He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
