The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
