No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
