I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
