im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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