why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
