Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There r osticjed everywhere
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
