there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
