I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
