Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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