I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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