hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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