I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
