so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
