FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
