I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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