The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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