New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my being single is dangerous.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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