Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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