so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
