Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
