New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
