Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
