see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
