I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
