Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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