Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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