Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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