i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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