Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
