I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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