Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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